Update: I'm Not Dead! Also The Epiphany Colony Available Basically Everywhere Now

One of these days I'll be better about uploading posts more frequently.

Anyway, I'm still alive! Still writing stuff. I've started a lot of projects, with some working out better than others.

More to the point, after seeing diminishing returns on The Epiphany Colony under KDP Select, I've decided to just let that lapse and upload it pretty much everywhere, so now it can be purchased anywhere ebooks are sold.

Ending a Story is Difficult

Recently my wife and I finished watching Seinfeld, a series that, despite loving and having grown up watching reruns of, neither one of us had ever actually seen the ending. In spite of that, I was somewhat familiar with how the series ended. For those not in the know, it's...rather controversial, as Seinfeld and his friends are arrested in a small town called Latham, Massachusetts and end up going to prison. That in itself wasn't exactly a surprise, considering the fact that throughout the show's nine year run, the main characters all committed various crimes and showed a general pattern of antisocial behavior, or at the very least a lack of empathy towards others. In fact, defenders of the ending and detractors both agree on one simple point, that the main characters generally made life worse for those around them and should face consequences of their actions, but the main issue that many, myself included, took with the ending was the way it went about it, by being indicted by an interpretation of a law that doesn't really work in real life, with people they've wronged throughout the series brought on as character witnesses to show just how bad they are to varying degrees, relevance to the case at hand be damned.

I saw what the show was going for, as it's the capstone to the general mantra behind the series, "No hugging, no learning," a pretty scathing critique of family sitcoms of the era that felt the need to moralize to their audience. I can see something similar happening when It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia comes to an end, whenever that happens, as it's a show built on a similar idea. However, the way it was handled here was really messy and didn't pack the satisfying punch the creators thought they were going for, which brought me back to something I've been thinking about for quite a while: why do so many tv shows botch the ending? Is there something about writing an ending that's inherently difficult? And for those stories that ended well, how did they manage it?

Seinfeld's failing was mainly that it wanted to have a specific ending but didn't really go about it in a way that makes sense, something that can also be seen in Game of Thrones (whose problems are numerous and well-documented, so bear with me). While it is true that the showrunners ran out of book material to adapt around seasons 4 and 5, they were given an outline of how the author George RR Martin wanted to finish the story, even if Martin himself had completely failed in his promise to have book six, The Winds of Winter, out on shelves by 2016. And I get it. Sometimes you have an idea of how you want a story to play out and you just can't get it to come together the way you want it to. Regardless, Martin has an idea of how he wants the books to end, and he gave his plans to the showrunners at a time when their own writing chops were being called into question as the pacing ground to a halt and the story began focusing on less consequential sideplots (personal note I think season 5 is the worst part of the series because nothing happens and entire characters just stop existing). Even with those notes in hand, the showrunners struggled getting the story out in a way that was satisfying to viewers, leading to a brutal backlash that has more or less killed any hype people have for the upcoming spinoffs or anything else the showrunners have to work on.

Which sucks, because it was a massive, groundbreaking show that won a lot of awards, but it was struck down by an ending that even defenders of it (such as myself) declare as shruggably all right (to use a term I just coined), which isn't the way such a grand piece of work should end by any stretch. To be honest, though, I blame Game of Thrones' ending woes on the lackluster seasons 7 and 8 as the showrunners blitzed through important plot points to get to the ending rather than using the time that the network was willing to give them to properly set up the conclusion that was already at hand. It's kind of astounding how they managed to go from "Nothing is happening for an entire season" to "Okay slow down, things need to breathe a bit" in a couple seasons, but here we are.

So having the broad strokes of the story might not have been enough, fair. We can see something like that done extremely well in Avatar: The Last Airbender (the tv show from Nickelodeon, not the movie, and probably not the live-action series that Netflix is apparently working on). They only planned for three seasons, they had a specific plan for what plot points each season was to cover, and they ended the story when it was time to end. This isn't to say that there wasn't behind-the-scenes drama, which is also well-documented, but the gist of it is despite that drama, they had a very clear plan going in and they stuck to it, something that cannot be said for the follow-up The Legend of Korra, which was initially planned as a single-season miniseries before growing into a much bigger show. But I haven't watched all of Korra so I'm not going to comment on it beyond just noting that reception of its four season run is mixed.

I praise Avatar for sticking to the plan, but admittedly even that can backfire, as we can see with How I Met Your Mother, an otherwise fantastic show with a pretty widely-panned ending, but there's actually a pretty easy culprit to point out for this one: the show's framing device. For those who are unfamiliar, a framing device is the story within the story, in this case, Ted describing the events of his 20's and 30's to his children in the future as a way of detailing the events in his life that put him on the path of meeting their mother (with many details being questionable as to how relevant they were, but whatever, it's a sitcom). However, because shooting something with actual youth actors presents its own very real cosmic deadline, that being the children growing up and being unable to be used for future shots, the "ending" was shot way back in season 2, the same season where Ted would get together with Robin, who was explicitly not the children's mother. The ending, by the way, which reveals that the children's mother passed away some time ago and that Ted has been more or less secretly asking his kids' permission to get back together with Robin, something that would have made sense for the story arc for the first two seasons with Ted falling for Robin and finally actually starting a relationship with her.

There's a problem though. The story was about how Ted met the kids' mother. Who wasn't Robin. And there was to be another seven seasons of television exploring how their relationship ultimately didn't work, and how both of them moved on into other relationships that were better fits for their personalities, and  the show's slavish devotion to the initial vision ended up hurting the storytelling for the rest of the series as almost no focus was given to the mother (who didn't even show up as a named character until the final season).

So what's there to be done? Well, it sounds like striking a balance between having a plan for how the story is to go but also being flexible enough to alter details or throw out the initial vision for something that works better is the way to go, which takes a lot of skill as a writer/crew, as audiences are perceptive enough to notice when some things are written by the seat of the author's pants, though that works for a lot of stories as well (Dragon Ball is a prime example there). I certainly don't have all the answers, and as people have noticed in my D&D campaigns, I struggle massively with coming up with an ending. Heck, I disliked the way The Epiphany Colony's ending came out so much that I completely rewrote the second half of the story to keep it grounded, and even then there are ways it could have been improved. It's even worse when dealing with a long-running story like a tv series that asks a lot of time investment from its audience. It's also a problem that sitcoms in particular seem prone to, as the stories usually come to an end because the show itself is getting cancelled, rather than reaching a natural conclusion, with said cancellation usually coming after a decline in viewer interest as can be seen in shows like That 70's Show, whose finale, if I'm being honest, was actually really good, even if it came at the end of a season that was just...not. I dunno, it's an issue that I don't have the answer for. It's just something I wanted to reflect on.

On Doing Things And Feeling Accomplished

Today I went out and got my haircut, which since I graduated from BYU-I is something I do less and less frequently now that the only thing I have to make me get a haircut is my wife suggesting it. So it's understandable that it's a bit of a special occasion for me. At any rate, considering I'm in-between jobs at the moment with the majority of my time spent building my career as an author, as I was getting my hair cut, the question turned to what else I had going on that day, presumably with the implied question being how a man in his 30's can make it into a hair salon at noon on a Wednesday.

I mentioned that I'm writing a book, so that would be where the majority of my time would be spent, to which my stylist pointed out how cool it was before mentioning that she didn't think she could ever get herself to sit down and write a full novel. That it would be too hard to focus on, which I suppose is a fair statement. That being said, it got me thinking. As roughly 99% of my readers are aware, this book I'm working on is my second full story I'm having published, having just published The Epiphany Colony (shameless plug because I'm shameless) a couple months ago to the widespread fanfare of...almost nobody, barring a few good reviews.

Anyway, I say it got me thinking because despite the fact that I've done something as big as writing, editing, and publishing my own book, I'd say the relative lack of readers has been a bit of a motivation killer. It feels like no matter the hours I spend writing, editing, marketing, talking, planning, outlining, more writing and editing, it might not really matter because nobody's gonna see it. That in the endless competition for people's space, attention, and (hopefully) money, my work just isn't up to snuff.

This isn't to say that I think The Epiphany Colony is some underappreciated masterpiece of storytelling. Far from it. Heck, the version available on Royal Road with the weird Star Trek-esque Gainax Ending has some of the worst writing I think I've ever done, but the commercial finished product is something I'm proud of and hope to see more success out of.

So you see where I'm at right now. I'm doing something many (I'd argue most) don't feel like they could ever accomplish, and yet I catch myself feeling down, that my work isn't good enough. And I'm not gonna sit here and pretend that this isn't...completely normal in any endeavor, or that other, much more successful creatives don't have the same funks. The trick is finding the motivation to keep going despite them.

I'd encourage you to look at your own life. You're probably doing something a lot of people (probably most) don't feel like they could do. Unless that thing is crime, you should feel good about it! Not because others can't or won't put in the effort for it, but because it's a talent that you have and are trying to cultivate.

Either way, project #2 is coming along quiet nicely at 30,000 words. We're about 1/4 of the way there, so stay tuned!

A Sneak Peak at What I'm Working On

Hey everyone, how's it going?

I've been busy working on my next project, and I gotta say I'm having quite a bit of fun with it. I'm working off an outline this time and trying a bunch of different things to see what works for me and what doesn't, and I've even finished the prologue.

It's about as removed from The Epiphany Colony as it gets. It's a mostly lighthearted parody of the standard epic fantasy quest as seen in the Legend of Zelda and Final Fantasy games, written in the first person with a female protagonist who isn't part of the Hero's party. Instead, her story involves following in the Heroes' wake and getting caught up in the crazy things that happen mostly as an unintentional result of their actions.

I just finished writing up the prologue, and I'm going to drop it on this entry. Let me know what you think!

Not many are alive today who remember what it was like before the Demon King reawakened. Records of those days have been lost to time, and nobody can seem to agree on whether the world enjoyed a period of unprecedented peace or if, like in any other age, the different kingdoms across the land were locked in a perpetual state of war. I mean, I say nobody can seem to agree, but the truth is this is less of a professional sociopolitical debate and more a bunch of old dwarves, elves, and basically every race that aren’t humans shouting at each other over drinks at the local tavern, since they’re the only ones who really care about “the good old days”.

No, the only thing most people have clear memories of is the centuries of fear living under the thumb of the Demon King and his minions. I mean, it’s all I’ve ever known, up to the last decade or so.

But I suppose some introductions are in order. My name is Ilala Twistfall. I’m a gnome. And not like one of those bearded statues with the really pointy hats.

That’s…actually quite a hurtful stereotype based on an infamous drunkard named Sir Alvyn Pointedhat. No, the “Sir” isn’t a title. He legally had his name changed out of some inflated sense of his own self-importance. Anyway, he and a bunch of his followers scammed some town by promising that, just by standing in their yards, they could ward off evil spirits or something to that effect (a promise that, you can imagine, paid off exceedingly well during the early days when the Demon King rose to power). To this day I’m not really sure what their end goal was for doing that. Maybe to peep on people as they were changing? Maybe just to get paid to do literally nothing? Beats me.

Sorry, I got a little distracted. Where was I? Oh right, the Heroes and the Demon King, what you’re actually here for.

Let’s start with the Prophecy of the Heroes of the Dawn. From Legend of the Dawn, chapter 23, verse 18:

And lo, the land shall be smitten with a famine, the winds shall blow unceasingly, the seas shall rage, entire countries shall burn, all heralding the return of the King of all Demons. Thus shall the world lie in desolation and ruin, until four Heroes shall reclaim the lost Gems, take up the Sword of Dawn, and banish that foul beast and his generals back from whence they came.

Sounds pretty bleak, right? That’s a pretty clear picture of how the world was for the years that the world was under the thumb of the Demon King. How we managed to survive as long as we did is, frankly, a mystery. Though many of those things were definitely localized to the areas claimed by the Demon King’s generals when they swiped the Gems from their places of rest.

Oh right, the Gems. I kind of took for granted that people who read this would know what those are! I’m not sure who designed it like this, but essentially, there are four Gems, each corresponding to one of the four elements of Earth, Fire, Water, and Wind, those being the Earth Diamond, the Flame Garnet, the Aqua Marine (look, I didn’t make the name), and the Wind Jade. The corrupting influence of the Demon King is what threw all of the elements out of whack, especially in the regions surrounding the temples, so naturally, get rid of the guy corrupting the Gem, and the problem is solved. Apparently this is also what let the Sword of Dawn decide that the hero would be worthy? We’ll talk about that a little later.

I’ll never forget that fateful day. One day from my hometown of Seameet, population…I suppose…sixty-five at the time, I saw a pillar of light descend upon the nearest major city of Brightdale, seat of the Temple of Dawn where the Sword of Dawn rested. It was, without a doubt, the brightest light I had ever seen in my then-short life. Only the oldest among us could recognize that the sudden bright light, along with the equally sudden break in the dark, red clouds, was a sign that the Demon King’s rule was being threatened. Apparently that clear blue sky that shone through the clouds once our eyes adjusted, the same blue sky we see now, was something the older folk took for granted during the Demon King’s reign. This was it. The day that they’d waited so long for. The day that, if I’m being honest, I was pretty sure I’d never see in my lifetime.

At the time I was twenty years old. I’d had a little education but my parents thought I’d settle down and marry some farmer and start popping out babies, so the conversation of possible careers or even travel never really came up.

At least, that’s what I’d assumed they thought. Well, I was right in that assessment about my mother. It’s exactly what she did (well, not the farmer bit, since Dad was a merchant), which was exactly what her mother did. Not her grandmother, though, which was something I found interesting. My Great Grandma Pomomo was a bit of a maverick for her time, as I’d find out not long after this.

Dad, as it turns out, had something else in mind.

He’d paid close attention to me over the years. Saw that I’d had a knack for gossip and news. He often took me on trips to cities. I always assumed that it was because he wanted company on those long nights while Mom was home with my younger siblings.

But no, not exactly. I mean yes, he did love the company. Travel is always more interesting when you have someone to share it with. But he also had other plans, for as it turns out, he saw me writing about our trips in my journals, which he would secretly read later when I was asleep or helping Mom out with chores around the house, something I definitely should have been upset about, but as it turns out, he wasn’t reading my journals to spy on my personal life or whatever, especially during my prepubescent and early pubescent years. I guess when I said I wasn’t interested in the boys at home, he actually believed me.

No, he read my journals because he legitimately loved the stories I would tell, and he took me on these trips to encourage me to build up my talent for observation and writing. He finally told me this when he took me aside about a week after the light came down. I really wish I’d have written down exactly how the conversation went, but I’ll try to recreate it, as best I can, at any rate.

We were having dinner as a family, when my dad asked for everyone’s spirited conversations to quiet down a bit, since he had something to announce.

“Well, as you all know, I’ve been planning a trip into the city for a while now, and I’ve been holding off on it ever since the light appeared, at least until I got word from out of town about how it’s affected the Demon King’s troops and their movements. Well, messengers from the city arrived this morning, and apparently the Demon King’s troops have pulled back a bit in response, instead doubling down on the four temples. I think I’ll be able to make the trip in.

My mom clasped her hands together, saying, “That’s wonderful!” She then sat back into her chair, her expression softening. “Does that mean…what we’ve discussed…”

Dad nodded. “I believe so.” He then turned to me. “Ilala,” he began. “How’d you like to make the trip into the city with me?”

“Was I ever not going?” I asked, trying to hide my excitement.

“No, I suppose not,” Dad chuckled. “But, there’s another question. A bigger one. Have you been in your room yet this evening?”

“Umm…no,” I replied, confused.

“You should go check it out.”

Even more confused, I excused myself from the table, and walked toward my bedroom. Once I reached the door, I saw on my bed a brand new leather backpack along with a set of traveling clothes, a new leatherbound journal, a quill and ink set, a short dagger, and a cast iron frying pan.

My dad, who had followed me to my room, said, “Your mom and I have been talking, and she’s finally come around. We think this is your chance to become a big shot writer by following the Heroes and chronicling their journey. Last I heard, they were looking for someone to do just that.”

I began to hyperventilate. I’d never said anything about it to my dad at all. Heck, I wasn’t sure I’d even be around by the time the Heroes began their journey. But I’d been dreaming about the prospect of traveling with the Heroes since I’d first heard the prophecy. Dreams that had only become more vivid and more frequent ever since the light had descended a week before.

I looked up at my dad, tears welling in my eyes. “You mean it?”

“I do, sweetheart.”

Without another word, I threw my arms around him.

—

The rest of the evening was a blur as, once my siblings had gone to bed, Mom, Dad, and I were up much too late talking about the journey I was about to make. Honestly, it was all a bit of a shock to me. From the sound of things, it took quite a bit of work to convince my mom. Dad mentioned something to the effect of arguing that the guys in our home village weren’t much of a catch, that my talents were wasted here, and a few other things. To be honest, it was all a bit much. Especially Mom’s heretofore unexpressed enthusiasm for this journey that I hadn’t mentioned I wanted to go on. I’m comfortable admitting being moved to tears over the whole thing, especially with the knowledge that I probably wouldn’t be coming home for a while.

More tears came the next morning. Mom got my siblings up early to see us off, and the ones closest to me in age masked their own sadness with my leaving by an exaggerated expression of jealousy (or at least that’s what I’m telling myself). Don’t worry about them. They got their chances for adventure later on, and this isn’t about them.

Eventually we set out for the city of Brightdale, hitting smaller towns and villages along the way to add to Dad’s freight. Admittedly, I was getting a little frustrated with the amount of time it was taking, as the journey would take about three days one way, and a lot can happen over the course of three days. But I also forced myself to be patient. After all, this was my Dad’s journey just as much as it was mine.

—

At the end of our three-day journey, we reached Brightdale. They weren’t kidding when they called this place Brightdale, because when I say everything was bright and colorful, I mean everything was bright and colorful. The cobblestone streets were polished to a mirror sheen as what I can only assume to be wizard interns made a systematic sweep through the city periodically using magic to blow away dirt and debris as well as magicking away any leftovers by passing pack animals. The wood and stone on various walls and buildings throughout the city were also immaculately clean. Music filled the air as bard and ordinary citizen alike lifted up their voices in song. I even saw a young man and woman happily dancing their cares away in the town square, the picture of life if ever I’d seen it.

This clashed a bit with the last time I’d come here with my dad, before the light descended. Before the Heroes. Not gonna lie, this place was kind of a dump for a very long time. Everything looked as if it were worn down by the decades under the fist of the Demon King. If the people had anything to celebrate, it was only for a short while before it was all taken away by the Demon King’s forces, all the while the Demon King’s generals reiterated that it was the humans who called them back, wishing to pay them tribute. Just for that extra little salt on the wound, knowing full well that, were that even the case, no humans who called them back in the first place were around to give them the tribute they offered. Several generations of humans had come and gone, and it was us in a blind hope that the Demon King and his armies would go with them, but unfortunately that didn’t seem to be the case.

This does kind of put a sour note on humans so I want to throw in a disclaimer that I don’t know who or what brought the Demon King back, and certainly not all humans, or even a significant number of humans even wanted him to come back in the first place.

Whatever the past, and whoever it was that shouldered the blame, things had definitely made a 180. In fact Brightdale might have become a bit too bright. It was kind of garish, if I’m being honest. I mean I suppose I can’t say I blame them for being excited. I mean, I was too. The wizard intern street cleaners felt like a step too far, though.

Anyway, we arrived at the local tavern where my dad had made arrangements to stay while conducting business in the city. Even this place, which was normally one of the nicer, less trashy joints before the light, was abnormally spirited. I actually kind of wondered if anyone there had slept in a week, and yet even if they hadn’t, there was no sign of the party stopping.

Eventually I began to ask around. After all, despite being a merchant’s daughter, I still was a little girl from the countryside who’d only heard the rumors. These were people who had seen everything happen firsthand!

At least, that was my assumption.

I started with the barkeep at my dad’s lodging, a birdlike…birdfolk woman named Khiet with white, dovelike feathers and soft eyes, hard at work cleaning glasses in preparation for what was, presumably, to be yet another long night of carousing.

“The Heroes? Nope, haven’t seen ‘em personally. Just the light. Rumor has it they met up outside of town and were immediately brought in by the city watch to have a chat with the king.” She placed the glass down to dry and picked up another one, looking it over closely for any blemishes. “A few people who came in that night said they saw it happen.”

“So wait, they were arrested?” I asked incredulously.

“No, no, dear girl,” the barkeep continued, “I guess you’re not up on the local news throughout the kingdom. It has been a while since I’ve seen you and your da. The princess has been kidnapped!”

Khiet was right. This was literally the first time I’d heard anything about it. At the time I scowled, thinking my dad had just left out that nugget of information to avoid causing problems with the village, but as it turns out, the runner that had carried the message to our village had left the day before the princess was kidnapped.

“Kidnapped?” I asked in disbelief. “Who would do such a thing?”

I know, dear reader, you’re about to say in disbelief at my own naivety, “Lots of people!” I know that because…well…

“Lots of people!” Khiet replied loudly, to a surprising chorus of, “Hear hear!” from inside the tavern. Apparently this was the talk of the town for the last few days. Khiet continued, “Lots of coin to be had from the ransom alone! Although, in this case it doesn’t seem to be what the kidnapper was after.”

This got my attention. If not money, then what could the guy be after? “So they know who did it?”

“Know who did it? Lass, the man made mincemeat out of the guards on duty, embarrassing the entire city watch. You couldn’t miss it if you were here! Guy in spiky, dark grey armor with a dark cape and a ridiculously large sword. Former captain of the king’s guard, he was!”

I raised an eyebrow. “Gardner? Sir Gardner? The Sir Gardner?” I asked, trying to remember which captain of the guard would even still be alive.

“That’s the one!” Khiet exclaimed with what sounded like a whistle. “Appeared out of nowhere in the dark of night and stole the princess as she slept, leaving a note that if the king wanted to see her again to send the Heroes.”

“Why?” I asked, trying to piece together the story.

“Couldn’t tell ya. Maybe he really just wanted an autograph. But it sounds like he’s holed himself up in the Demon King’s shrine a little ways out of town, so it’s probably something a bit more nefarious. The Heroes left a couple days ago so they might be on the way back, depending on how their little party went.

“Oh that’s perfect! Where’s the shrine?”

“You can’t mean you’re heading out now, Lass?”

“Of course I am! This is my chance!”

“Alone?”

“It shouldn’t be that bad if I stick close to the road, right?”

“True, the Demon King’s minions usually don’t make their way onto the main roads, but it’s still dangerous! The shrine is off the main path a bit!”

“I’ll be careful! I know a little bit of proper wilderness safety! You know my dad didn’t raise an idiot!” I distinctly remember saying it like that because that was my usual rationale for making half-baked decisions. After all, if I’m smart, I don’t make mistakes. The logic was perfect to me when I was younger!

Khiet was less convinced, but she relented. “All right, it’s a bit northwest of town. You’ll hit a place where the road gives way to less-developed trails and grassland. It shouldn’t take much more than a day if you walk, but do be careful. I don’t want to hear about you meeting your maker a week from now because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“I’ll be fine, Khiet! Oh, but I should go so I can see if I can catch up with them! The next time you hear from me, it’ll probably be from the book I release talking about my adventures as the Heroes’ personal scribe!” After I said that I grabbed my things and scampered out the door, eager for my adventure to begin.

—

As Khiet had said would happen, I reached the end of the main road without running into any trouble. I’m not entirely sure how that works but the Demon King’s minions just sort of ignore the main roads. That is, roads that were built before he rose to power. Pardon the pun, but they seem to have just been built differently. The stone used to build them was of some blessed variety that repels monsters and doesn’t require much in terms of maintenance. Major cities were also made of the same stuff, which is why monsters never go into major cities.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Gee, Ilala, if this enchanted stone is so great, why haven’t kingdom construction workers continued building roads out of the stuff? And unfortunately I don’t really have a good answer for that, beyond the stuff just…not existing anymore. Either the stone itself doesn’t exist or was incredibly rare, or the spell used to enchant the stone has been lost to the ages. Couldn’t tell you. I don’t know how to use magic.

However there is another explanation, albeit a much more mundane, pragmatic explanation. In order to build the roads, crews would have to first leave the protection of the already-built roads, and I’m not joking when I say even one step off that stone meant that you were suddenly prey for the Demon King’s minions. Now, for armed travelers like soldiers, or in my case, me, that’s less of a problem than it would be for a construction crew.

And this is all assuming that they had access to the enchanted stone in the first place. Basically a road crew would also need to either be trained in melee combat or have a retinue of armed buff guys to protect them.

Now, I didn’t have said retinue of armed buff guys to protect myself, exactly. I was more hedging my bet on running into the Heroes and joining them, as you’re aware. However, even without that, I had one other thing going for me: my size.

Say what you will about being small. Trust me, I’ve heard it all before. But one extremely good thing about it is the ability to hide pretty much anywhere if I get enough time to prepare.

As it turns out, that’s a pretty big if.

I walked off the main road for a few minutes, my guard up. Supposedly I’d be able to see the shrine by now, but I couldn’t see anything but grass and trees. Did I take a wrong turn? I couldn't see how that would be possible. I went the exact direction Khiet told me to go! At least, I was pretty sure I did.

The more I walked into the trees, the more I cursed myself for not at least taking a map with me when I set out. Before long, my frustration gave way to panic as I felt like I’d walked past the same tree several times despite supposedly walking in a straight line.

And as I thought it couldn’t get worse, it got worse as a thick mist descended upon me.

As I desperately tried to gather my bearings, I heard a gruff, guttural voice behind me say just loudly enough for me to hear, “Well well well, what we have here. Little gnome girl lost in da woods!”

Another, more nasally voice to my right then added, “All alone, too.”

And another voice said, “Wonder what she’s got in that backpack o’ hers!”

More voices added to the chorus until a group of nine goblins stalked into view. Nine goblins, armed with clubs, slings, and even some rusty spears! I couldn’t believe my luck. Here I was less than a day out on my own and I was about to get dogpiled by nine goblins! I knew that it was a possibility, but I figured I’d at least run into one, maybe two, or a couple wolves, or something less dangerous than nine freaking goblins for my first encounter with the Demon King’s minions.

I quickly reached back for my dagger, scrambling to find a handle of some kind. I couldn’t remember where I put it. My belt? No. Attached to my backpack? No. I paused, realizing my mistake.

I never actually took it out of my stupid backpack!

Trying not to panic, I grasped at whatever I could use to protect myself, my hand eventually landing on a metal handle.

The frying pan! It was clipped to my backpack via a leather strap and a wooden button.

I yanked the pan forward, tearing the button out from the backpack—something I’d worry about later—and raised the pan threateningly. “Stay back!” I exclaimed, trying to hide the slight crack my voice made. “I…I know how to use this!”

The one behind me chuckled, saying, “Oh yeah, whaddaya gonna do, cook us up some nice cornbread?” I spun, pointing the pan directly in his nose, noticing that his large leathery ear had a tear in it. He also was a bit larger and more imposing than his companions.

“Are you the leader of this little band?” I asked, feigning confidence.

“So what if I am?” the goblin growled.

Without a word I reared back and smashed him right in the face with the pan as hard as I could, sending him reeling back clutching his face in pain. I rationalized that if I could at least knock out their leader the rest would leave me alone.

I was wrong.

Not a second after, the leader shouted something in the goblin language, I felt a club smash into the back of my head, sending me hurtling to the ground. My vision blurred, the entire place spinning, as eight goblins took turns smacking me with sticks like I was a pinata.

 I’m not really sure why they didn’t just impale me and be done with it, but who am I to look a gift miracle in the mouth?

 The rest is a bit hazy, but I do recall coming to and realizing I was tied up. My body hurt basically everywhere, and I was covered with bruises and cuts. My backpack was gone, a few paces away where the goblins were rifling through my things and talking amongst themselves in their own language. It has a few similar words to the common tongue but if I’m being honest, I have no idea what they were saying, but I imagine it involved complaining about the lack of money I had on me since I was only carrying some basic food rations, my empty journal, my quill and ink set, and the dagger. One among them started playing with my dagger, and I guess he’d decided he was going to keep it. I mean, I don’t blame him. It was probably in better shape than his spear.

The leader looked at me, his face disfigured from the pan. I must have broken his nose at the very least. He said in that guttural tone, “Where you from, gnome girl? Why you out here?”

“None of your business!” I shouted back, trying to hide my panic.

“Careful,” the goblin said. “Want to live? No backtalk! Your family must be rich.The book and dagger are much too nice for poor gnomies!”

“Leave my family out of this!” I screeched back, desperately trying to figure out how to get out of the mess I’d landed myself in. I had no way to wiggle my way out of my bindings, everything hurt, and I was fighting back tears of both fear and embarrassment. I couldn’t face my family after this.

I’d resigned myself to my fate, when the silence was broken by one of the goblins screaming in pain, somewhere to my right. I stretched myself to look in the direction the screaming was coming from to see a goblin in flames. I looked at another goblin and thought I saw a thunderhead floating above him, something I chalked up to my current mental and physical state. That is, before the goblin was struck dead by a bolt of lightning.

At this point, I think my body and mind gave up trying to process what was happening, because I was awakened some time later to the sight of the most gorgeous human (well, okay, half-elf) I’d ever seen in my life looking me in the eyes. I could never forget him, his piercing blue eyes, his short, messy blonde hair, his muscular physique under that captivating red breastplate. I honestly assumed I’d just died and was being welcomed to paradise by an angel. I vaguely remember muttering something like, “Oh thank the goddess,” before going limp again, and then I heard his soft, ethereal voice (that may or may not have been my imagination embellishing the experience) as he turned to one of his companions, a red-haired woman in long, flowing white robes and said, “Kari, do you think you can save this poor child?”

I snapped to attention, wincing at the sudden pain in my chest as I tried to sit up, “Excuse me?! I am not a child! I’ll have you know I’m twenty years old!” I snapped before immediately slipping back down to the ground, dizzy from the mother of all head rushes.

A third, deep voice rang out, “Haha, that means the ‘child’ is a year older than you, Marsden!” I strained my neck to see the source, a huge man with long brown hair, half-orc from the looks of him considering the tusks and the off-color skin as far as humans go, dressed in what looked like a torn blue martial arts gi. He even had a headband.

“Shut up, Baridash,” the gorgeous knight, excuse me, Marsden retorted, before turning back to the woman in the white robes. “Well, Kari?”

The woman replied, in a soft, soothing voice, “I’m not sure. I can only do so much to heal her, and she’ll probably still need some time to rest. Let’s take her back to town.”

A fourth voice, another woman, with a much firmer, more mature tone spoke up. “We may as well. We already have to take the princess back. Although since she hasn’t regained consciousness either, that means we’re literally carrying two people.” The source of the voice was on the side opposite from where the half-orc was, and I was already in too much pain to try to get a look at her.

A fifth, more snooty voice piped up, “Listen, Mr. Greenforest, if we’re stopping off the side of the road to help every wayward child, we’ll never actually finish the quest.”

Marsden narrowed his eyes and looked at the source of the voice, also out of my sight. “I appreciate the concern, Gilberto, but you forget your place. If we really are the Heroes, we’re going to do it right, and that includes helping random citizens as well as the entire world as a whole. If you have a problem with that, you're welcome to bow out.”

The voice responded, “No no, I’m here for a reason. You need someone to chronicle the story, and I am a bard. It’s a perfect fit.”

That sentence got a reaction out of me, a simple, “No, that’s not how this was supposed to go…” as my senses faded away.

—

I awoke a few days later in the city of Brightdale with the single worst headache I’ve ever had, unsure of how I got there. Eventually as my brain caught up with the rest of me, I sat bolt upright, and, seeing that I was alone in the room, I lifted up my shirt to check my wounds. Everything was as it was supposed to be. No cuts, though one of the deeper wounds had left a scar. No bruises. My chest and ribs no longer hurt, so I could only assume that my broken ribs had been seen to.

I carefully slid out of the bed I was in, only then to realize I was in nothing but my undershirt and smallclothes. I could feel my face reddening as I quickly cast my eyes about the room, wondering where my clothes were, and more importantly, where I was. Eventually I noticed my backpack on a chair in the corner of the room with my outfit, freshly laundered, hanging off the back of the chair. I walked over to get a closer look at the backpack, and I noticed that even the strap which previously had held my frying pan had been repaired, however the handle of the pan stuck out of the main pocket of the backpack. Instead, I noticed a slip of paper rolled up in the leather strap. The note said:

Hello Ms. Gnome, I hope this note finds you well. We did what we were able to, but eventually we could put off the journey no longer.

I apologize for my companions’ rudeness in mistaking your short stature for your age, but I’ve taken the liberty of speaking to them about it privately. Please know that if we happen upon any gnomes in our future travels, this mistake will not be made again

I did what I could to heal you, but some of your wounds were beyond my meager skills, for I am still a novice. As such, you have been treated at the clinic in Brightdale and we even put you up in an inn after the treatment is over. Please do not worry about payment, for all has been taken care of. Instead, as a cleric in service of the goddess, I welcome you to pay the favor forward.

The four of us wish you well.

Sincerely,

Kari Bright

Kari Bright…so the woman in the white robes had been the one to see to my injuries. At the very least, that was a prospect I could live with, if she’d been the one who undressed me to put me to bed. At least, that’s the version of my thoughts I feel comfortable putting to the paper.

I’m kidding, I’m kidding, and I probably shouldn’t even joke about that because Marsden and Kari were essentially the stereotypical childhood friend romance, as I’d later find out much to my chagrin. Oh don’t worry, she knows that it was essentially infatuation at first sight for me, and she claims to be okay with it, so I’m just not going to push that any further (though I’m going to leave in the chat we had later just for the sake of comedy).

I sighed, a strange mix of angry and grateful for my luck to not only have been rescued from certain doom, by the Heroes, no less, only to find out that they had already found the person who was to chronicle their story. I sat on the floor beside my things, leaning my head onto my knees. Here I was, less than a week out from the beginning of my journey, and I was going to have to return home and say…what, exactly? That I was too late? That I got beat up within hours of leaving my dad’s side? That I woke up in a strange room all by myself in nothing but my undergarments?

Although tears had already formed in my eyes, a new feeling began to take hold in my heart. Call it determination. Call it motivation. Call it spite. Whatever you want to call it, I decided, then and there, that, no, I wasn’t going home to look like the fool I felt I was. I don’t know to what extent I believed in destiny, but what I did know was that there was no reason for me to let this opportunity slip through my fingers, even if it did nothing but let me give an honest, face-to-face “Thank you” to the Heroes.

I stood, got dressed, hung the dagger from my belt, gathered my belongings, and marched out the door.

So that's the prologue. at a little less than 6,000 words. I'm hoping to make it to 100,000 words, but the story will be over when it's over, I suppose. Anyway, let me know what you think!

The Epiphany Colony: An Announcement A Month Late

Hey everyone! Just dropping another quick article to talk about a book I had published last month called The Epiphany Colony: The Murder of Vincent Cortez. It's essentially the completed version of my novella series Asher and Elaine as found on my Royal Road account, previously on Kindle Vella.

I didn't really like the way the story ended on the novella series and so I spent quite a bit of time rewriting the story to make things make more sense and read less like a bad episode of Star Trek. Also I redesigned the book cover.

I wasn't overly impressed with the way the previous cover came out, and even for the next one I might have someone else with better graphic design sense do the cover.

Anyway, anyone who reads this has probably already been made aware of the book long ago, but for anyone who hasn't, you can find it here. You can even read it for free with a trial to Kindle Unlimited, and I still get paid if you do!

I'm also hard at work outlining and writing my next story, which is going to be a parody/satire of the standard epic fantasy adventures, specifically taking heavy inspiration from video games and tabletop RPGs, something, as you're aware, I have a ton of experience with. More to follow!

Edit: Also we're going back to Avernus soon!

Don't Stop Him Now, He's Having Such A Good Time

No comment about the length of time between posts. I'm just gonna jump right into the story here.

In a bit. First, a little background.

So, in movies and tv I am a huge fan of the trope of Soundtrack Dissonance. As a TLDR, it's exactly what it says on the tin. The tone of the soundtrack directly clashes with what's happening on screen, and you see it in a lot of movies and tv shows, in action scenes in particular. Rather than having an intense orchestral piece matching the setpiece, the background music is anything from a peaceful ballet piece to a classic rock song that's completely out of place. A good example of this is the church fight in Kingsman: The Secret Service which is set to Lynyrd Skynyrd's Free Bird, and it's every bit as ridiculous as it sounds.

One song that's commonly used is Queen's Don't Stop Me Now, which has been used in a number of scenes in movies such as the power test in Shazam! or a montage in Sonic the Hedgehog, or my personal favorite, the fight in the pub in Shaun of the Dead (warning, this is a clip from an R-rated film for language and violence, viewer discretion advised), where not only is it playing in the background in universe, the fight itself is in time with the song. It's...absolutely beautiful in its absurdity.

Which brings us to our story, from the first campaign with our friend David (the one with the bard starting the zombie apocalypse). It was the mid-campaign climax, but essentially, we arrived at the gates of a city and our characters were wanted as fugitives by the then-current villain (it's complicated, but usual D&D stuff). There was a faction of clerics and paladins to the dragon god Bahamut deadlocked against a cult trying to summon the evil dragon goddess Tiamat from Avernus to bring about the end of days, standard demon or dragon cult stuff. Anyway, we were met at the city gates by a huge horde of cultists who were out for blood.

So...from the perspective of almost all of us, it was the leadup to the standard final battle where we all drew our weapons, unsure of whether we were going to make it out alive, as the epic music swells. I say almost all of us because...well...then there's the dwarf Ryuu.

As in, the one who asked to be tossed to the river bank to solo a bunch of orcs.

For you see, as he drew his weapons, under that big bushy beard of his, a smile cracked.

And I don't remember who started it, but someone made a joke about how off it would be if different, happier music was playing in his head, and then I started singing under my breath, "'Cause I'm havin' a good time, HAVIN' A GOOD TIME!" Which drew some questions until I explained where I was coming from and pulled up Don't Stop Me Now on my phone.

We rolled for initiative, and Ryuu went first. And every time his turn came up, I switched the background music to Don't Stop Me Now. Because while the rest of us were fighting the big, serious, epic climactic battle, he was having the time of his life transforming himself into a four foot tall Beyblade of destruction. It was so perfect that if that campaign ever got the Legend of Vox Machina-esque adaptation that we definitely don't deserve, I would offer a substantial percentage of my cut of the royalties just to have Don't Stop Me Now in the background of that scene, in that exact manner. When focusing on the rest of the party, epic, tense fight music, with occasional cutbacks to Ryuu with a massive smile on his face as he relishes in the violence while Don't Stop Me Now plays.

I'd do it myself if I knew anything about animation and had any sort of art skills. Or understanding of shot composition and fight choreography.

A guy can dream.

The Things Heroes Do For Friends

Hey...guess it's been a while, hasn't it? Ummm...sorry about that, guys! Let's talk about something stupid that happened to my character in a recent RPG session.

So...you know how in The Oregon Trail games, you have a list of options of how to cross rivers when you come up to them? And you know how fording the river is almost always a bad idea? At least that's how it seemed to me in the Apple II version I would play in elementary school, maybe some other people had better luck. Maybe it works better if you actually pay attention to the river conditions. I don't know.

So, a little background on this campaign. A group of us have been pulled into a world that seems to be in a limbo state, neither dead nor alive, with six towers that need to be activated to restore what has been lost, and the towers seem to be reflective of the traditional elements (earth, fire, water, wind, and two others I'm sure the GM mentioned that I've already forgotten). At this point the earth and water towers have been reactivated, leading to a spike in seismic activity and torrential downpours. Which, naturally, leads to flooding.

Our party is heading towards what can only be described as the most dangerous part of the map, and there's a pretty sound strategic reason behind it. We're on the run from a group of villains (because what's an RPG without the main characters being on the run?) and since the villains themselves don't want to enter this part of the map, a ruined city with a bunch of advanced technology including killer automatons defending the place, seems fitting that, if we can tame the place or at least learn to survive there, it would provide a decent home base while we plan the rest of our actions.

Well, as it turns out the only way there led us to a place where the flooding is so intense that it's not even standing water at this point. It's essentially become a river.

Yeah, you know how you're told to "Turn around, don't drown" when you see conditions like this while traveling? Especially when a vehicle is involved?

So the group has been traveling with two wagons and a team of archeologists (because why not use that as a cover while we try to do things the bad guys don't want us to do?) and once we came to the river, we ended up having to take some time to consider our actions. Do we wait and try to fashion the wagons into rafts? Do we see if we can find boats elsewhere? Or do we tie a rope to the other side and try to brute force it?

Honestly the rope thing seemed like a good idea at the time, but one slip and a failed strength roll later, and down the river one of our party members went.

Naturally my character, upon ensuring that the cart was stabilized, dove right in after him. After all, he's the party's tough guy, having grown up in a frontier village.

And this is where it's important to acknowledge that this campaign isn't using the D&D 5e system where the Athletics skill covers a multitude of things including climbing and swimming. Nope, we're playing GURPS (short for Generic Universal RolePlaying System) specifically to make use of the different tech levels and a lot of other stuff as part of this world's setting. And in order to fit that generic mold, GURPS has a TON of different skills and skill sets. Including swimming.

And my character doesn't have that skill. And naturally, trying to save someone who is currently panicking, trying not to drown, my character diving in without thinking only made things worse.

Couple that with the dice being really uncooperative that night, and...well...

Nah, I'm just kidding, by this point the rest of the party had sprung into action, including one using the draft animals from the carts (these lovely things) and a party member who could actually fly, and we were brought to shore, my character doing slightly better than the other because they chose to rescue him first.

So...what have we learned from this?

I dunno. I guess sometimes when you have two choices ahead of you, the choice really ends up looking like this.

Endgame: Take Care Of Yourself

 

"A little warning would have been nice!" Faust exclaimed once brought back to consciousness and his situational awareness returned.

"I'm sorry," Rylee began, "but it's not like I knew drawing the sword would lead to the citadel exploding!"

"About that," Sissy started, "what exactly happened?"

"We...have a lot to unpack," Seliph replied, before launching into an explanation of everything that went down while the two of them were outside the citadel.

"Oh, right, Rylee," Kalista broke in, "do you remember everything?"

"Of course, as far as I know I haven't forgotten anything," Rylee responded.

"But...but are you on our side?" Kalista continued.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Rylee asked.

"It's just...hard to tell, I guess," Kalista offered.

After a brief moment of quiet, Rylee then said, "We should probably go. That explosion will have drawn some attention towards us."

"Yeah," Seliph agreed, "we've got a long way back to Elturel. Do we know how much Zariel was delayed by when we sent our distraction?" Seliph then asked Olanthius.

"Can't say," he admitted, "but we don't have much time. Less than a day, for sure."

Travel back to Elturel took a few hours, but once the great city came into view, there was a much bigger problem at hand.

The city, formerly suspended hundreds of feet above the surface of Avernus, was now floating feet above the River Styx. Another few hours and it would be completely submerged, damning all within the city to a swift end, only to be brought back as devils in service to Zariel.

This was bad enough, but there was one more detail that came into view.

Legions of demons and devils were locked in a fierce battle surrounding the city, with Zariel, as Lulu observed, "right in the thickest, most dangerous part of the battle, like always."

In case that wasn't enough, the party caught sight of a nightmare flying down from the sky at breakneck speed, carrying a figure the party instantly recognized as Advocati.

The party all slowly turned to face Faust.

"What? It isn't as if the angels were offering us any better alternative."

Seliph rolled his eyes and pulled over, and the party climbed to the roof to speak with Advocati.

"Thank you for agreeing to meet me so quickly. I've been hard at work undermining Zariel, and I'm still absolutely thrilled you guys agreed to let me take over this place once Zariel is out of the picture. I can't begin to thank Faust and Sissy enough." Faust's quick shift between confusion and anger seemed to be the exact reaction Advocati was hoping for.

"Now now, I'm here to make things easy for you. Like I said, I've been undermining Zariel, and to do that I've spoken at length with a lot of her, shall we say, less enthusiastic soldiers, and they've agreed to step aside and let you through, but only if you show them this." He then flipped a red coin towards Faust.

A red soul coin.

Faust, trying to keep his cool, merely asked, "And whose soul is in this coin?"

Advocati chuckled, then responded, "What makes you think I know or care about that?"

"What's so special about this coin then?" Kalista demanded.

"Why, it's red. Show this to any fiends you run into in that field. The ones who are out of the loop will probably just ignore you, but the ones who are in the loop will specifically get out of your way. The demons...however..."

Rylee quickly responded, "The demons, however, will be no problem for us."

"Precisely. Love the confidence and the new look, Rylee," Advocati added with a wink.

"Don't think you're suddenly in my good graces. I could and still might end you without second thought."

This response was...not what the rest of the party was expecting, but Advocati just smiled. "Either way, I've done what I could. Now, go work your magic."

"Sincerely though, thank you," Rylee said. "We hope to end this now."

Advocati bade the party farewell, then mounted his nightmare and flew off. Where? I dunno, out of the plot for the rest of the story though.

With their goal in sight, the party slowly made their way through the battlefield towards Zariel's location, being interrupted a few times for direct combat or, in a few cases, avoiding magical explosions nearby.

At this point, Zariel was levitating above the battlefield, her attention drawn to what the party was up to. While three people in the party were capable of modest levitation or flight (some more than others), getting up there and maintaining that height could be difficult. To that end, Lulu finally transformed into her true, giant golden mammoth form, offering to lift those who were incapable of flight to Zariel's location.

As the party closed in on Zariel's location, Seliph shouted her name at the top of his lungs. She was watching the party close in on her, so it wasn't to get her attention. It was a show of defiance.

"Zariel," he repeated, once they were within a decent range to speak. "It's time to end this."

"You all came back. And...you brought Lulu, the sword, Olanthius. What's this all about?"

"Rylee," Lulu began, "present the sword to Zariel. That's the only way to break this."

Indeed, Rylee noticed that the sword seemed almost magnetically attracted to Zariel. Thus, she let it go, saying, "Come, Lady Zariel. This isn't the real you. You have a mission to fulfill. Let us leave this place. Come home."

Seliph added, "We know about what happened in Idyllglen. What happened afterwards. All of it. But we also know that you don't have to do this anymore."

The sword landed in Zariel's hand, and she began to scream in pain as the sword seemed to burn her on contact.

And as much as I want to say she pushed through the pain, let it change her back into her original form, and we all got the happy ending we wanted and worked so hard for, the truth is...I can't. Sometimes, you can do everything within your power in the most proper way you can find, and due to the agency of others, it just doesn't work. Sometimes, like in this case, the dice have other plans.

Snarling in pain, Zariel shouted, "With this final rite, I discharge my divine duty. Let my name be forever struck from the ledger of Mount Celestia." She then tightened her grip around the sword, crushing it.

"Now, I'll do the same to all of you fools who dared mock me!" Zariel shouted, readying herself for combat.

Seliph quickly leaned in close to Lulu's ear, saying, "Time for Plan B!" Even though neither one of them knew what Plan B was.

"Wait!" Rylee shouted. "Zariel, you made me a proposition. I serve you, you let my friends and the people of Elturel go. Is that still on the table?"

Zariel, taken aback, relaxed her stance and smirked. "Why, yes of course. I had wondered if you'd even remembered my proposition considering how quickly the five of you abandoned the one quest I gave you. It almost felt like our discussion didn't even happen. But yes, of course," she said, extending a hand. "My word is law. Agree to bow down and serve me, and your friends and Elturel can go back to the material plane."

"Rylee, stop!" Seliph began. "Don't do this!"

"Yes," Faust added, "you know this isn't going to work."

"Please," Rylee said, "it's the only way. Lulu, please take everyone to safety."

Lulu reacted in shock, asking, "Wait, who are all you people? What's going on?!"

You see, something terrible happens with Lulu if the party fails to persuade Zariel to turn, her mind breaks, and any number of trauma-related stuff can happen. Thankfully, she didn't faint, leading most of the party to fall to their deaths, but instead, her amnesia came back, and it came back strong.

"Don't worry, Lulu. I'll make sure you're safe. Just get everyone a decent distance away from here. Go!"

"Uhh, right!" Lulu then turned and shot in the direction of Elturel.

Seliph, however, was not taking this well. "RYLEE!!! IT'S NOT TOO LATE!"

Thing is, it was. Rylee took Zariel's extended hand, and could feel a fundamental change within her. That is, she became keenly aware of the pact her soul had just forged with Zariel, and her appearance began to shift to look more like Zariel, or, even more disturbingly, like the image of herself Rylee saw in the mirror not so long ago.

"ZARIEL! THIS ISN'T OVER! AS LONG AS I DRAW BREATH I'LL OPPOSE YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE DAMNED KINGDOM! I'LL BURN THIS ENTIRE PLACE TO THE GROUND IF I HAVE TO!"

Seliph's shouting eventually lost all coherency as he broke into sobs.

Eventually Lulu landed on one of the broken streets of Elturel, frantically asking the party what was going on, to which Seliph muttered, "We...we're nobody. It doesn't matter. None of this matters anymore."

High above Elturel, Zariel and Rylee floated towards the Companion (brief reminder, the thing that was meant to help with their vampire problem but ended up being the very thing that dragged the city into Hell in the first place). Once there, Zariel handed Rylee the hammer she had previously been using in combat, saying, "It only makes sense that this be your first act in service to me. Just hit the Companion, and all will be returned to 'normal.'"

Rylee looked down at the city of Elturel. She thought she saw her friends looking back up at her, but at that distance it could have been anyone. A tear rolled down her cheek as she said, "My beloved friends...I'm sorry." Without another word, she destroyed the Companion.

Epilogue

A few days later, Faust found Seliph in a tavern sitting by himself staring at a full pint of whatever excuse for alcohol this particular barkeep had managed to scrounge together. The barkeep warned Faust that he'd been like that for days, ordering something to be polite but just sitting in silence, completely despondent.

"I don't get it. Man comes back as a hero, but the way he carries himself you'd think he was just another one of those undead that plagued the city in Avernus. He barely eats. Once it's time to close up shop, he pays his tab and leaves. I feel like I oughta say something because he might be scarin' off my regulars, but I can't bring myself to do it. A man with that look in his eyes...something's definitely wrong.

Faust nodded, but frowned. "I was hoping to have this taken care of before I set off for Candlekeep, but I suppose it can't be helped." Indeed, he and Kalista had decided to travel to Candlekeep together. Kalista was going to turn in her findings to Sylvira, and Faust...well...Faust had a lot of studying to do.

You see, once the party had arrived in Elturel and were clear of all the grateful citizens, Seliph...exploded. He grabbed the amulet he carried as a reminder of his oath as a paladin, that being the oath of redemption, tore it from around his neck, screamed, and threw it before breaking down into tears again. After composing himself, he said, "I need a drink," and quietly stood and left Faust, Sissy, Kalista, and Lulu unsure of what to do.

"Let's give him some time," Faust finally said. "In the meantime, what the hell are we supposed to do now?"

Kalista folded her arms. "I was hoping to get out of my pact before leaving Avernus, and unfortunately now, my clock is ticking. I'm going to need to start killing people..." the thought made Kalista sick.

Sissy also piped up, "Yeah, and I've got some stuff I've gotta figure out as well since I made that deal."

Faust then looked at Lulu, and then said, "Well, I suppose Candlekeep is as good a place to start as any. I never thought I'd be researching this for someone else." When the others looked at him, he clarified, "What? We all have things we want out of, and I'm most likely our best bet in finding the next step."

It was at this point that Kalista agreed to travel to Candlekeep with Faust and Lulu, who had forgotten everything. Mercifully, this included Zariel, so hopefully she would be able to find some semblance of peace in what remained of her life.

Figuring out which tavern Seliph was at wasn't difficult, it being one of the few buildings that wasn't completely destroyed. Faust wasn't sure if he'd get through to him, but he knew he had to try.

After explaining briefly all that Seliph was dealing with, Faust crossed over to Seliph's table and punched him right between the eyes.

In truth, this punch hurt Faust much more than it hurt Seliph, but Faust balled up his fist for another one.

"Just how long are you planning on keeping up this sorry performance?"

"What do you care?" Seliph muttered. "Zariel took everything from me. Even things I didn't realize I still had like my father. Besides, it's not like it matters. Rylee's gone."

"That was a quick change. Just a few days ago I seem to recall you swearing to take revenge on Zariel. Something about burning her entire kingdom to the ground. Was that all a bluff?"

"That was before it finally sank in that Rylee is gone. Gone and can't come back."

"She may not be. I'm going to Candlekeep to continue my research on oaths and pacts."

Seliph raised an eyebrow. "What's your game, here? I thought you and Rylee hated each other."

Faust glowered. "Oh, so the hero has a few private chats with her and suddenly he thinks he's the only one who can be upset at what happened?"

"That's not..." Seliph began before trailing off.

"We all want to try to get her back."

"But...why though? I thought you couldn't stand her."

Faust finally sat down next to Seliph. "You see, there is another thing I've kept from you. Rylee discovered my warlock pact quite a while before the rest of you did. At first I thought she was going to do something drastic about it, but she promised to keep it a secret from the rest of you, and she kept that promise. I'm not sure, but that action surprised me. I'm not accustomed to people actually following through with promises. I'll be honest, I grew a grudging respect for her. No no, you don't need to feel jealous or threatened or anything of the sort. I'm doing this because she is my friend."

"All this for a friend?"

"I don't have many of them." The implication was clear.

This is totally an embellishment of what happened based on Faust's player referencing a specific scene in the movie Tombstone, but I felt like throwing it in anyway because it does illustrate a way Faust changed throughout his journey.

Faust continued, "Look, I understand you need a little time. And I'd understand if you didn't want to join-"

"I do. Of course I do. I just...have some stuff I have to figure out first." Seliph cast a look at the amulet which had been returned to him by one of the city guard, who said he'd received it from an anonymous fan. "I'm not sure if my oaths as a paladin are really going to help me here. I...failed. And I don't know if I'll be able to succeed in the future."

"Take whatever time you need. You know where to find me." With that, Faust took his leave for Candlekeep.

What happens next? Who knows? There's definitely room for a sequel story, but for the purposes of the current campaign, this is the end.

That Time We Destroyed An Antique Elevator

This story is from our campaign in the city of Thane, an interdimensional trading hub that may or may not have been heavily inspired by the Ravnica setting from Magic the Gathering as well as some other stuff the DMs (as there were two) were really into at the time. Our party had been summoned to do some investigation into various things on behalf of one of the noble houses in the city, and this included going deep into a local mine to hunt down a specific artifact.

To be honest I'm not 100% on the specifics as it has been a while, and I'm going to be paraphrasing a lot, so if it seems like some details don't add up, blame my spotty memory. That being said, bottom line is the only way into this part of the city was by riding a very old elevator, the oldest one in the city. It was rickety and unstable, but it had gotten the job done as long as anyone could remember.

Sure would be a shame if a bunch of adventurers came and screwed that up.

Though being fair, it's not as if the DMs planned for this. But I'll illustrate that in a bit.

So, important players in this fight are Skyerrow, an aarakocra monk, and I'm only illustrating his race because as a bird-person he could fly (and yes, we made a lot of Rick and Morty jokes at his expense), and Flora, a firbolg barbarian. Firbolgs are essentially mini-giants, and Flora, though having the personality of Fluttershy from My Little Pony (exactly what her player was going for), got by by smacking stuff with a giant club.

Other characters include Minato Hiruma, a human samurai (whom I had lifted from an entirely different campaign from an entirely different game), Phylas, a half-drow warlock (essentially the main protagonist of this campaign considering how many important events happened because of and/or relating to him) and Tyrial, an aasimar paladin. The last three were in this fight, of course, but the real stars here were Skyerrow and Flora, as we'll see shortly.

So, we carried out our investigation and were about to leave the mines when we were met by our original employer near the elevator. I don't remember his name, but that doesn't make much of a difference, because he's not going to be around for very long, as an assassin appeared from the shadows, knifed the contractor, stole the thing we were trying to find, and made a break for the elevator, which Flora ended up clinging to as it began its rickety ascent.

Flora and the assassin began trading blows while Skyerrow quickly flew to the platform to offer support and the rest of the party quickly began scrambling up anything they could to catch the platform, including the chain above the elevator's counterweight. For you see, in a brilliant move of nobody actually communicating what their individual strategies were for this fight (as it was in the beginning of the campaign and we were still trying to figure out our individual combat roles) Phylas decided to blast the counterweight to force the elevator back down.

While Minato was still climbing the chain.

At this point the elevator had made quite a bit of distance (since the counterweight was close enough for Phylas to blast it in the first place). This combined with Flora accidentally smashing the control console for the elevator itself while swinging at the assassin, and you can already see where this is going.

Basically, the elevator was sent careening into the abyss. Skyerrow and Flora were able to escape the elevator at around the same point Minato was clinging to another rope for dear life (which, if we were playing super realistically, Minato catching the two of them probably would have ended with all three plummeting to their deaths following Minato dislocating his shoulder)

Oh, and the assassin? We never were able to get close enough to him to see this for ourselves (considering the smashed elevator and him more or less turning into paste) but the thing he stole from us ended up in the hands of the villains as tends to happen in these stories. As for us? Well, not only were we pegged for the destruction of one of Thane's priceless artifacts (the elevator, not the thing we found and then immediately lost), but also people who had it out for Phylas in particular stuck us with the blame for the death of our employer as well, he being an important noble in the city of Thane who perished not long after coming into contact with a group of ruffians affiliated (though very loosely) with the illegitimate son of another noble with connections to the drow.

This was the beginning of the campaign, mind you, and already we had smashed a priceless artifact and were soon to be on trial (a very, very unfair trial) for murder.

D&D is fun, I swear.

Part 20: This is Where the Fun Begins

 

She said the real fun would begin after another hour. She wasn't kidding.

During that short time period between waves of enemies, the party discussed a plan for protecting the citizens that had holed up in the cathedral. Though this was still in a deep dive into Lulu's memories, the fact remained that injuries seemed to be real in this place, and nobody wanted to chance death being real as well.

Thus, here was the plan.

Faust, Sissy, and Kalista would take up positions on rooftops surrounding the statue square in front of the cathedral as seen on the east side of the map. Monsters seemed to be mostly coming through town from the west side of the map, and once they were within range, Faust and Sissy would pelt them with magic while Kalista would rain arrows down on them. Well, that was the idea anyway, but as it turns out (that I forgot to mention in the last update since so much had happened), Kalista had a new toy.

You see, we'd levelled up recently, and Kalista had taken the feat Magic Initiate, specifically opening herself up to the warlock spell list. On its own, Magic Initiate isn't all that impressive, just some access to lower level magic from any magic class's spell list. However, since most warlock magic thrives on low level stuff, this basically allowed her to gain access to the warlock's bread and butter Eldritch Blast.

For lore reasons, we'd elected to explain it away as Kalista's pact with her sister finally showing forth good returns, but the bottom line is Kalista suddenly had magic.

So...we've got three snipers. The other party members, Seliph and Rylee, were placed in front of the cathedral behind the barricade. To be honest I kinda missed this point in the planning session because I was out of the room, cooking, but I feel like this informed Seliph's next move pretty well.

That is, upon sight of the next wave, Seliph strode out from behind the barricade to offer himself up as bait (to much shouting from the others through telepathy). This was 100% an establishment of dominance, a silent, but clear declaration of, "We are not afraid of you, and if you don't turn back, you will be destroyed."

Already the gears were turning in Seliph's head. "I'm going to claim the sword if it's the last thing I do."

However, unbeknownst to him, he wasn't the only one who was planning to take the sword. But more on that in a bit.

First came a balgura leading a wave of five dretches. Monsters that had caused the party some trouble earlier in the campaign, but considering how much stronger they had gotten (especially in the past few sessions as the story came closer and closer to the endgame), these guys were nothing.

Unfortunately while being the bait, Seliph also took the bait, as this left the barricade completely defenseless while a pack of gnolls rose up from the south, quickly descending on Rylee and Kalista (well, in Kalista's case, ascending since she was on a rooftop).

Poor decision on their part with Kalista considering she was more potent with her shortswords than with a bow, though Rylee's options were significantly more limited even with her being more willing to use force to protect those innocent people in the cathedral.

Well, Seliph, Faust, and Sissy did what they could to dispatch the first group of monsters before turning their attention to the gnolls, which went down quite a bit more quickly. Naturally, this raised a question among the group.

Just what was supposed to be coming?

Well...in a word, this.

This guy is Yeenoghu. As in, one of the two demon lords that Zariel wanted the party to hunt down and destroy.

Unfortunately, Rylee was the only one who realized that, but she wasn't able to communicate that information to Seliph before he rushed down the beast, hoping to end the conflict quickly by taking out the biggest guy.

Well...as he was sprinting towards the hulking monstrosity, Seliph quickly realized... This guy is much bigger than I thought he was. This led to Seliph taking a direct hit by that flail and getting blasted back fifteen feet while another gnoll took the opportunity to try to dogpile on Seliph. Which, fair, but also, rude.

In the ensuing fray, everyone did what they could to pile on the damage against Yeenoghu, but they were no match for him, and eventually Rylee was knocked unconscious, with the rest of the party not far behind.

Just then, an angel wielding a bright sword riding a large golden mammoth descended from on high in a pillar of light. The angel caught the flail, dealt a devastating blow against Yeenoghu, opened a portal to the abyss behind him, and shoved him right in.

Once the party was able to collect themselves, they realized that the person who saved them was Zariel, before she had fallen into darkness.

Zariel thanked the party and healed them of the injuries they'd suffered in the battle as a squadron of other angels--the Hellriders--mopped up the stragglers among Yeenoghu's forces. Among them Seliph recognized his father as well as another similar looking man, his uncle, no doubt.

They also recognized the woman who had placed them into this dream, Yael.

The Hellriders formed ranks, ready to charge into the newly-formed portal into Avernus, when suddenly our heroes found themselves unable to move or respond, as if they were frozen in time. Zariel turned to them and said, "Yeenoghu slaughtered those I swore to protect. I can stop him and others like him. I might have to give up all I stand for, but I could stem the tide of chaos and save many lives from the demonic terrors of the Abyss. Were you in my place, would you risk it all to save others?”

Faust chuckled. "An interesting question. Something you yourself are contemplating? Unfortunately, we know how this will end, and it is not in the manner you expect."

Zariel frowned. "Regardless, the blood war is at our doorstep, and soon it will spill into the mortal plane. Something must be done. I say again, were you in my place, would you risk it all to save others."

Faust shook his head, Sissy shrugged, but it was Rylee who first opened her mouth. "No. I would give it all to save those around me. My friends are my strength as well as my reason for living, and I would give anything for them, but not in the way you're considering."

Zariel looked to Seliph. "I suppose your answer might be different?"

"Honestly, no. I will defend this world from our doorstep, but I would not lead a counter-offensive."

Sissy then piped up. "I agree. I feel more comfortable fighting with...how would you say it...home field advantage."

Kalista, on the other hand, said, "I'd do it. If that's what it would take, I'd do it."

The way we answered the question changed things slightly, as those who survived the battle (technically all of us because Rylee was rescued before she died) were given charms, either of restoration or vitality, and I'll go into those as (if) they get used.

Soon enough the party was back in the citadel, and Lulu began to explain what had happened to her.

“I remember everything now. Idyllglen was the last straw. We followed Zariel to Avernus, but the evil there proved to be too much for us. Asmodeus appeared and promised Zariel infernal legions to end the Blood War, but she had to give the Lord of the Nine Hells her fealty. She accepted and became an archdevil, but not before Yael and I took her sword, hoping it could redeem Zariel someday. I gave up my magic and memories, and Yael gave her life to construct this place to protect the sword.”

Yael, who was still there to judge the party's worthiness, then said, “You have faced many trials to claim the Sword of Zariel. I’m sorry to say, you face one more. As the inscription on the dais says, ‘The hero who becomes one with this blade exists no longer.’ Which of you is brave enough to draw the blade and be gone forever?”

Faust began to laugh.

"You cannot be serious," he began. "After all this, after all we have been through, it was all to spring this upon us at the end? This was your great backup plan? Depending on some selfless soul to give up all that they have for the greater good?"

Lulu frowned, "It was our only choice."

Faust spat back at them, "Your only choice." Not a question, just a disdainful statement of fact. "If this was your only choice you deserved to fail." He then turned to leave, but not without telepathically contacting Sissy, saying, Come with me. Let me show them what a real backup plan is all about.

This left Seliph, Rylee, and Kalista staring at the sword. Seliph hesitated, having not realized what the sword would require.

"I'll do it," Rylee said, solumnly.

"What?" Kalista asked.

"Someone has to," Rylee responded. "Why not me?"

Seliph then spoke up. "I wouldn't have you abandon your oaths for this. Let me do it. I have the least to lose anyway."

Kalista quickly shot back, "There's nothing for me! As it is right now I'm stuck in a contract with someone who hates me, but this sort of sacrifice might be able to help me get out of it. Of course I'd use it to save Elturel, since that's why we're here in the first place, but still, let me do it!"

Without another word, Rylee lunged for the blade, with Seliph and Kalista trying to restrain her, if nothing else so they could discuss this more.

So...I'm not sure if she was thinking this in character, but Rylee's player wasn't expecting it to work, but after a contested athletics/acrobatics roll, Rylee grasped the sword first, and then...well...then the magic happened.

Well, sort of, let's jump over to what Faust and Sissy were doing first.

"What?"

"I said I need to borrow your ice shard. It will only take a moment," Faust quickly responded.

"You...you're going to do it, aren't you? You're bringing Advocati here." Again, not a question.

"Do you have any other ideas? Clearly Lulu and Yael have completely lost it."

"Honestly, no, I was hoping we could do this instead. If we're going to be used, let's at least be used by the one who was up front about it."

This statement is a bit of an embellishment from me, but still, considering how angry Faust was at this point and how quickly Sissy was willing to go along with Faust's plan, I'm keeping it.

Once the ritual was completed, and Advocati finished gloating about how he was finally materialized and ready to move onto the next phase of his plan, well...fireworks.

The ghost of Yael met eyes with Olanthius's demon knight form, taking in the sight of her love one last time before she vanished, finally able to pass onto the next life, while an explosion of radiant energy nuked the citadel and the scab off the face of Avernus. Those outside the citadel (including Faust, Sissy, and the newly awakened Advocati) took the full force of the blast, and while Sissy and Faust survived, merely falling unconscious outside the citadel, Advocati was nowhere to be seen, having either perished in the blast or vanished (he totally vanished, there's no way the DM is letting this guy die this easily).

Once the light cleared, Seliph and Kalista cast their eyes about, seeing that Rylee was...well...different.

Specifically, she took upon herself a new, angelic, perfected form, glowing with radiant light and adorned with feathered wings.

And that's about the extent of what we know happened to her her, as while the sword forced changes upon her personality, those personality changes have not been revealed in campaign yet.

And this is where we're at. Rylee, as we knew her, is gone, and in her place...we're not sure yet, but what we are sure of is that this is the end. We're saving Elturel somehow, whether Zariel wants to be saved along with it or not.

Part 19: Things Get Worse Before They Get Worse, And Then They Get Worse

 

After some more driving the party arrived at their current destination, the Tomb of the Hellriders, in the hopes of finding any sort of clue as to the whereabouts of the Bleeding Citadel and the Sword of Zariel, as well as any information on Zariel's past and clues to help her turn back to the light.

So, bit of info on me, the narrator. I'm not a huge fan of dungeon crawling in tabletop RPGs. It has its place, both narratively and mechanically, and considering I'm such a fan of RPG video games, you'd think that would translate, but my favorite bits of tabletop RPGs are the social and storytelling aspects, and while I'm down with a short jaunt into a dungeon to do some puzzles, kill some beasts, and find some loot, it's not why I play these games and if I'm in the mood for that sort of experience I'll play a video game. It's for this reason I'm not likely to play (or upload a retelling of) campaigns like Dungeon of the Mad Mage or its ilk, and the less we say about the Tomb of Horrors the happier I'll be.

So, it's with that lens that I want to point out that this dungeon was freaking terrifying in terms of atmosphere. And it's not like the encounters within were all that dangerous (spoiler alert for further down in the entry), but throughout most of the place it was just...nothing. Just motionless statues outside, big urns full of the ashes of dead Hellriders and monuments with the names of the dead inscribed thereupon inside, with a couple of rooms with the following description:

As you disturb the ankle-deep mist, it parts to reveal a ritual circle daubed in blood on the floor. Hundreds of slivers of parchment are arranged within it, each tiny strip bearing a name written neatly in blood.

What we were able to surmise was that these names matched up with the names inscribed upon the monuments, and Faust was able to determine that the ritual magic was keeping the souls of those dead from passing onto their eternal reward.

But I'm getting a little ahead of myself, as while exploring, Kalista heard something and raised a hand. "I hear moaning." Sneaking closer, she spotted the source: a chamber full of mummies.

Mummies in D&D can be kind of nasty, as most undead can if you're not careful, and we the party were like, "Screw that," and backed into the corridor from whence we came, knowing full well we'd probably have to fight them eventually but we didn't want to if we didn't have to.

Well, as some of these places tend to be designed, we ended up having to go through the mummy room to carry on, and the party briefly huddled to throw together a plan. And guys, I gotta say, this time we freaking nailed it.

Basically we bunched them all together and used a rather crudely-made explosive device to kill them. I don't remember if I mentioned this earlier, it being a project of Faust's, but he created, for lack of a better term, a Holy Hand Grenade.

Probably wasn't this ornate, but hey, use your imagination.

Basically, it was a bottle of holy water that was attached to an explosive device that would, upon detonation, scatter holy water/steam while also spreading...well...explosion. And guys, it worked. It didn't kill them instantly, but it did such a good job at weakening them that the party was able to steamroll (heh) their way through the fight without much (if any) damage.

Eventually the party found themselves in the chamber with the aforementioned monuments as well as...well:

Adorning the wall across from the steles is a carved relief showing a solemn, blindfolded angel on the back of a mammoth with feathered wings. The mammoth is reared up on its hind legs, and the angel holds her sword high. All around them are the broken bodies of fallen knights and devils.

How's that for some awesome heavy metal imagery?

Kalista was the first to open her mouth. "Is that...?"

Faust nodded. "Zariel. Astride a rather imposing Lulu."

Kalista examined it more closely. "Doesn't she seem...I dunno...a little lonely?"

Seliph folded his arms. "Looks that way, but I guess that's what this place does to you."

Rylee frowned. "All this, and she's still doing everything she can to avoid the one creature that would still call her a friend." 

"Such a waste of loyalty...still, there must be something we can do," Seliph muttered, mostly to himself.

Kalista repeated her suggestion from before (that I neglected to mention), "We should at least go burn those slips of paper."

She suggested that before when we found the ritual rooms but it was pretty unanimous that, without any context for what they were doing, that would be an extremely bad idea. However, since Faust took some time to investigate the ritual circles and the monuments, he figured out that burning the paper and scratching the names from the monument would be the only way to release their souls.

Kalista offered to return to the further room and burn the stack of papers there, requesting that Seliph go along with her so she'd "feel safe"

Anyway, after all this was taken care of, the party reconvened in the room with the monuments, where another secret door was found leading to a small, cramped chamber full of books belonging to a man named Olanthius, formerly a Hellrider. From the book:

• Olanthius never recovered from Zariel’s capitulation to Asmodeus and subsequent transformation into a devil. He blames himself for not seeing warning signs of Zariel’s fall from grace early on — her single-minded determination to slay demons at all costs.
• Olanthius took his life rather than face damnation, but he was transformed into an undead monster by Zariel to serve her forevermore.
• Olanthius describes Haruman, his one-time comrade in arms, as a heartless man bereft of compassion — now a devil bent on punishing anyone who stands in Zariel’s way.
• Olanthius mourns the deaths of his fallen warriors and feels powerless to help them.
• Olanthius speaks well of General Yael, whom he clearly respects and secretly adores. In one journal, Olanthius hints that he knows where Yael hid the Sword of Zariel but fails to note the location.

However, as is typical in these stories when the heroes find some information they’re not supposed to have, the party’s reading session was interrupted by loud footsteps echoing from down the hall.

Faust let out a curse, and the party quickly looked at one another.

"We should hide!"

"Where?"

"Anywhere!"

"I could try to sneak by."

"WHAT?!"

This went on for a bit before we decided to have the two warlocks cast Invisibility on the party sans Kalista who thought she should be able to sneak by whatever it was that was coming down the hall.

She was not.

A demonic (well, devilish) growling voice rang out, demanding:

"Who has defiled this sacred space?"

Kalista's skin turned a shade paler as she tried to slip by the source of the noise, a Death Knight. Naturally, this sight was terrifying, even moreso when it addressed her personally, completely unfazed by her attempt at stealth.

The Death Knight demanded to know why she was here and how she got in here. Certainly one person can't have come in here by herself?

Unsure of how to lie her way out of it, she told the complete truth: she and a group of her friends were seeking out the Sword of Zariel to either defeat or redeem Zariel and save the city of Elturel.

"Show me these friends of yours."

After an awkward few seconds of back and forth between the invisible party members about whether or not the scary looking figure could be trusted and him threatening Kalista's life if they didn't comply, the party revealed themselves to the Death Knight, who introduced himself as Olanthius, and he wasn't happy that the party went through his diaries.

He explained that he could help them find the Bleeding Citadel, where the Sword of Zariel rested within what could only be described as a scab on the surface of Avernus, but he needed the party's help, and they were short on time. Essentially, his agency was limited due to his very nature as a Death Knight, revived to serve Zariel and defend the tomb that the party just defaced, and the limited time problem?

Zariel was already making moves to drag Elturel into the River Styx, where all of its inhabitants would die and immediately be reborn as devils in service to her.

Gee, thanks for leaving out the part about the time limit.

So, that favor Olanthius was asking? He needed a diversion. So he teleported the party to a location known as Kostchtchie’s Maw, a crevasse in the surface of Avernus named after the demon lord imprisoned there.

So the party lowered themselves into the Maw by hiding themselves within Sissy's patron's jar (a nifty little skill she had just picked up, and yes, her patron genie was literally living inside a Mason jar) while Faust rode his familiar, now taking the form of a Beholderkin, into the crevasse.

Some fighting later as Kostchtchie had some guards who really didn't want to let him go, and the party was now stuck trying to figure out their way back out of the Maw. And thus began the awkward "night" of camping in the Maw while they waited for Sissy's ability to restore itself. Oops.

Don't worry, it gets worse!

How? Well, as the party was making their ascent, they noticed a row of people wielding bows and crossbows on each side of the Maw, waiting for them to slide into view (thank goodness someone passed that check), so Faust directed his familiar to lift them further down away from the two groups of enemies.

Even worse? Since this was technically between two sessions and we'd forgotten we teleported, we got to the rim of the Maw to realize that we didn't have the Demon Grinder. Like, shoot, that's not good, right?

And since we've had another session after that (most of the next bit is just fighting) we're going to be paraphrasing a lot.

Well, turns out it wasn't too far away, as the party saw a cloud of dust barreling towards them.

The party quickly went invisible again, before they realized that the cloud of dust was a very unimpressed Olanthius, who quickly berated the party for taking so long to hide. He said that since the party had already taken eight hours to free Kostchtchie (who was now rampaging across Avernus) and time was of the essence, he brought the Demon Grinder for them, all they need do is follow him to the scab where the Bleeding Citadel lay.

And seriously, this place is disgusting to think about. From the book:

A great, disgusting scab the size of a large hill rises up from a stinking swamp of blood. The domed top of an alabaster temple pokes through the scab. Many black iron chains of Avernus converge on the building, attaching within the grotesque mound.

You see, scab is a very accurate term, as when the Sword of Zariel was cast down to the surface of Avernus, the Citadel sprung up around it. But this being Hell, such a sacred place is an unnatural occurrence, and the land of Avernus was trying to heal around where the "gash" was.

So the party began to dig their way into the scab from the top, guided by Lulu who was able to intuit her way through in the most direct route to the actual entrance to the Citadel (which is my way of explaining away how fast we went through this part of the dungeon).

Turns out they weren't the only ones there, as demons under the rule of Yeenoghu were also trying to get into the Citadel, leading to some fights and what may be one of the craziest moments we've had so far in this campaign.

You see, the party got the drop on a bunch of demons at the bottom of a fifty foot drop, including a Nalfeshnee. Faust and Sissy were able to snipe them from their little perch before the Nalfeshnee teleported up behind the group, where Seliph turned to 1v1 something he probably shouldn't have, but some great damage rolls later and the Nalfeshnee went down.

And then Seliph got the great idea to do a fifty foot flying press onto one of the enemies below.

So...there's no hard and fast rule on how much fall damage to deal so most people default to 1d6 per ten feet, which has potential to be painful, but for high level adventurers with good luck it can be pretty negligible (which this fall was).

This turned out to be a good stroke of luck as not two seconds later Seliph took a couple really bad hits as the fight was winding down, though not as bad as was taken by the others who attempted leaps (who not only missed their attacks but also took more damage from the fall)

Anyway, this fight ended and the party opened the door to the Citadel, where their wounds from the last few fights were healed. From the book again:

A bright white light burns away the blood and grit staining your clothes. Restorative energy brings life to numb muscles as the glow softens to reveal the interior of a sun-kissed cathedral. How light passes through the scab and into the stained glass windows is a mystery only magic can answer.

Pillars line a path from the door to a raised dais carved with Celestial runes. Embedded in a stone atop the dais is a glowing longsword.

Insert music from either the Temple of Time from Ocarina of Time or the Sanctuary from Link to the Past, but yeah, the party slowly made their way to the sword when...

The translucent image of a woman in her thirties wearing plate armor and bearing a thin scar on her cheek appears before you. As she points toward the hollyphant, Lulu’s eyes turn pure white. A whisper fills your ears and says, “I remember!” A wave of radiant energy erupts from Lulu’s body and in that blinding flash the ghostly warrior, the hollyphant, and the Bleeding Citadel disappear.

The solace of the cathedral is replaced by havoc, screams of panic, and acrid smoke. You stand at the edge of a small town of burning cottages, fields, and trees. A broken sign on the ground reveals the settlement’s name: Idyllglen. Shrieking townsfolk run from cackling, snarling demons and gnolls.

Lulu quickly explained that this was her memories from "that day", and indeed, the party themselves were able to piece together the similarities between this and when they entered Lulu's memories before, only things seemed much more real here.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand they found themselves being attacked. As the party fought their way through the various monsters, they came upon an upturned cart with a few dretches trying to smash their way into it. Things got worse when one of Faust's spells went wild and destroyed the cart, revealing a woman hiding under it.

A dretch reared back, ready to strike the killing blow, as Sissy teleported close enough to knock the woman out of the way, shortly before another group of spells cast by Faust slew the rest of the dretches.

Things seemed to be turning in the party's favor, when...

A chorus of screams rises up as people, sheep, and pigs scamper through the town, chased by a demon with the lower body of a great serpent and the upper body of a six-armed gnoll clutching a wicked sword in each of its clawed hands.

This guy...this guy was something else. The fight didn't last super long (as tends to happen in D&D when you have a group of level 12 adventurers focusing down something) but it got kind of scary as he was capable of doing six attacks in one action. Well, seven, including its tail whip attack, which in D&D does more than just lower your defense.

It feels weird paraphrasing this fight so much considering it literally took an entire session, but seriously, this fight was something else, but after much back-and-forth the beast (known canonically as Garoknul) was eventually forced to retreat.

The party took a brief second to catch their breath before...

Five guards wielding spears advance from the north. Splattered head-to-toe with black ichor, they gaze at you with hungry eyes.

This...was awkward. These were just normal guys who were being coerced into violence against their will, and the party realized this. That said, Faust cast a spell that was meant to incapacitate them, however it ended up killing four of them, after which he was overcome by a sudden wave of exhaustion--punishment from Lulu for killing the soldiers--to the point where it looked like his lack of sleep since they arrived in Avernus had finally caught up with him (something I've joked about with his player, who is notorious for not getting enough sleep)

The party did what they could to restrain the final guard while Rylee could figure out how to save him. Once that was taken care of...

A woman’s voice enters your mind. “Nice work. Take a break. You’ve got an hour before the really bad stuff happens.”

Natuarlly...the party's reactions were...well...

And that's where we left off. With things about to get much worse. Though considering this is supposed to be Zariel's start of darkness, I suppose that makes sense.